After spending some time relaxing in tubs, the steam room, getting a scrub, had some late lunch, I finally opened my bible asking God to speak to me through His Word. So of course I opened my bible at random hoping the words would jump off the page hitting me perfectly in the heart giving me the exact encouragement that I needed to hear.
Well that didn't happen exactly for me right away but I kept reading. I literally could feel my spirit being filled. I'm not kidding you. It felt like food after being so hungry or water after being so thirsty. My mind, body and spirit were literally being filled with the living Word of God and it was feeling amazing. I was turning pages rather that scrolling with my thumb. There is something more authentic in reading from the book rather than my phone.
I ended up reading about when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. How he waited days before going to him after hearing he was sick. When he went he was going into the city full of the people who wanted to kill him. And he went there willingly knowing that his time to die on the cross was coming and coming soon. He told his disciples that its better he didn't go right away so they could witness what he was going to do with Lazarus. Mary and Martha were upset with Jesus that he did not come sooner and now Lazarus had been dead for days and in the tomb in grave clothes. They warned Jesus that he should not go to him because the smell would be strong by now since his death was days passed. Jesus went anyway and called Lazarus to get up and he did coming out in the grave clothes. It was a miracle.
As I was reading this I honestly was thinking that yeah it was great but what can I do to apply it to my life. I kept reading anyways and finished the book, then went on to read out of Timothy and Titus. I read and felt great but didn't necessarily feel the application instructions I was looking for. I even at one point during the story asked God why am I reading this? I thought that maybe we could apply it at church but then quickly dismissed the idea because we have been going through the bible chronologically and didn't think we were up to that point yet.
The next day was Sunday and we went to church. Sure enough the story we were covering that day was of Jesus and the miracle of raising Lazarus from the dead. I was blown away as I listened to the message from my pastor. Sometimes the sermon just speaks to you directly. He was asking us if we really believed that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. If we really believed that when he died for us and gave us his spirit that we have the full power of God in us through the Holy Spirit. That He has the power over life itself. It spoke to me bringing all the pieces together. That God is control over my life and I have the power of God in me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
The early morning we left our "vacation" I was so upset, I was crying out to God why he was having me go through this. Literally I was crying out loud and praying in the car. I didn't realize it then but its those times of brokenness that we actually cry out and reach out to God. When everything is going okay we tend to lean on our own. God was just trying to grab my attention and pull me back in.
I was telling Kyle that Sunday morning that I need to read my bible more and am now trying to wake up every morning reading it. Because God gave me His Son, I most certainly can give Him my time. I was thinking about my son and how I could never let him endure what Jesus did, how even for the greater good I just don't have it in me to do so. But God did because he loves us so much and is a God of justice. My thoughts are kind of all over the page at the moment, but my point is I asked God to speak to me and He did in a very powerful way. It wasn't something that was a huge revelation, just that I can relax in the Lord through a strong relationship, that He loves me, wants my time and I can do all things through Him. Whether that be my business, my role as a mother, a wife or whatever I'm trying to do, God is with me and I can relax. Keep diligent in prayer, work hard and due time we will reap a harvest. I should know by now with all the miracles that I have witnessed in my own life that, Gods timing is perfect timing all I need to do is have faith.
So here's me letting go and giving it to God.
Proverbs 3:5-6
New King James Version (NKJV)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct[a] your paths.
And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct[a] your paths.
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